


Supercatural

by ds9trekkie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Castiel, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Archangel Gabriel (Supernatural), Boys Kissing, Cat Castiel, Cat Dean, Cat Gabriel, Cat Sam, Comfort, Crack, Crack Fic, Cuddling & Snuggling, Destiel - Freeform, Established Relationship, Eye Sex, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Guns N' Roses - Freeform, Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Sabriel - Freeform, Snuggling, Star Trek References, The Author Regrets Nothing, Trickster Gabriel, cat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 15:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6811240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ds9trekkie/pseuds/ds9trekkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the looming threat of the apocalypse grows ever more real, Dean inadvertently makes a wish for a simple life. Just how simple? He didn't really specify. 'Be careful what you wish for' just got a whole new meaning, because you never know whose listening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Supercatural

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wayward_Daughter_16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_Daughter_16/gifts).



> I don't even know what this is. It's my first attempt at a crack fic and I surprised even myself with this one! Hope you all enjoy my weirdness! Also, I just wanna throw a warning out there for an anxiety attack Dean goes through in the beginning.

Warmth, Dean feels it all around him. Strong arms sliding around his waist, bare chest pressing against his back, rough lips grazing soft kisses on the nape of his neck. A feeling that's becoming ever more rare, a precious treasure that Dean can't fathom losing. Not now that he has it.

Castiel comes to him as many nights as their brutal lives will allow, the quiet flutter of his wings the only thing that ever announces his arrival. There's no words as he blips his clothes away and curls his naked heat around Dean's cold, waiting form.

Dean is always awake. Sleeping is harder than ever, but when Castiel holds him like this, rest comes a little easier. The angel's grace hums lowly, causing Dean physical comfort, a momentary false sense of protection from the harsh truths of their reality. 

Dean is scared all the time now. Scared of the apocalypse, scared of how it threatens to take everything he loves from him. Not that he'd ever show it, always jumping through hoops to cover up just how messed up he's actually feeling. That sliver of hope that he'll be able to save his brother is quickly running out, their options growing more limited with each passing day. But he needs to stay strong for Sammy.

And he's angry. Angry that fate could be so cruel as to finally allow him to fall in love, now when the world is on the eve of absolute destruction.

Sam never really mentions Castiel's late night visits, whatever he might hear from the next bed over. He understands how much Dean needs the angel, never teasing or complaining, only accepting them.

After Castiel's most recent arrival, the three of them tucked into the latest dingy motel, Dean doesn't feel the normal wave of relaxation that usually washes over him. Castiel is here, holding him, his hot breath all over him, semi-hard cock pressing against him. Yet Dean feels his chest constrict, his lungs don't want to work anymore, the first hint of tears being conceived behind his eye lids. This never happens, Castiel is his serenity not his anxiety. He feels Castiel's soft hand slide up from his abdomen, landing on his heart. One day Castiel won't come back to him, he won't be able to because he's either dead or the fucking world ended. One day Sam is gonna say yes to the devil and Dean's gonna fail him.

"Dean?" The whispered word sending a small puff of air into his ear.

Dean tries to answer, words won't come.

He can sense Castiel attempting to use more of his grace to subdue the knot inside him, but it's not working. His panic too severe, he flips his body around, chest to chest, face buried in Castiel's neck. Dean can feel himself clutching at the angel's back, trying to pull him closer. His breathing is loud and erratic as the tears finally drip out, leaking into a puddle on Castiel's collarbone. Dean feels the arms around him almost crushing him, Castiel's nonverbal response that he won't leave him.

"Cas," Dean gasps.

"Yes, Dean?" His voice terrified.

"C-can't breathe," Dean chokes.

"For some reason my grace is not helping, just try to calm down. Please," Castiel begs, his hands rubbing mindless comfort everywhere he can reach.

"Help," is the last word Dean knows he'll be able to heave out.

"Sam!" Castiel's booming voice slices through the mostly quiet atmosphere.

"Cas? DEAN?" Sam says, springing up like a trained animal. He rushes over to the other bed, landing at Dean's sweaty back, sandwiching his brother between him and the angel. Dean is sobbing now, wailing a broken sound that pierces through the stale air.

"What's happening?" Sam's fear filled voice only hurting Dean further.

"I can't fix it, it's not working," Castiel's normal stoic composure gone and replaced with panic.

"Dean, look at me," Sam says firmly, grounding the hysteria.

Dean turns away from Castiel's tear soaked chest, rolling flat on his back. He looks at his little brother through the wetness of his lashes, Sam's face slightly bringing him back to reality.

"Not gonna be able to save you this time, Sammy. Gonna lose you, both of you," Dean cries, hating himself more with every sound of the emotion tumbling out of him. 

"We'll get through this, we always do. Hey! Listen to me!" Sam barks, his fingers carding through Dean's hair in a rhythmic pattern.

"I'm not supposed to break like this!" Dean roars, anger surging to the surface.

"Dean, it's only us. Please, you're okay," Castiel soothes, his hand wrapped tightly around Dean's clammy palm.

He lays there for a couple silent minutes that seem more like hours, accepting the knowledge that his brother and his angel are safe and not going anywhere. For now. 

_I wish things were simple. Why can't we just have happy, safe, carefree lives?_

Dean never voices this desire. Sam is usually the one carrying on about living a normal life. But right now, he can't help thinking about anything he wants more than the peacefulness of domestic bliss. He wants Sam to have what he deserves, a wife, a couple of kids, a dog...

And he wants to love Castiel freely and openly, not hidden away in the darkness of the middle of the night. He knows this is too much to wish for, so he settles for simplicity. He wishes for the three of them to be blind with the most basic happiness and as far removed from the apocalypse as possible, not at all caring how.

Sam stays in the bed with them for the remainder of the night, the three of them squished uncomfortably into the small bed. Dean doesn't care, he would rather be smashed than left alone. He's vaguely aware that Castiel is clothed now, the angel's minimal attempt to eliminate any awkwardness. Doesn't matter though, this is definitely still the weirdest thing Dean has ever done. 

~

When Dean opens his eyes, the first sliver of morning light peeking through the dirty curtains, he immediately knows something is off. There's far too much room in this bed, yet he still feels the warmth of two bodies surrounding him. He looks to his right but instead of Sam's larger frame, he sees a fluffy dark brown cat.

_What the fuck?_

Dean stares at the sleeping lump of fur, trying to remember when they let a cat in the motel room. And where is Sam? He can see the other bed in the room is empty and doesn't hear the shower.

Suddenly, he feels something gently massaging the left side of his torso. There's also a strange vibrating sound. Slowly, he turns his attention to the source, finding that Castiel is gone too, replaced by slender beige cat. It's eyes are closed as it purrs and tenderly kneads the nearby fur in front of him.

_Nearby fur in front of him?_

_Dean's fur._

Really starting to freak out now, Dean dares himself to look down at his own body.

_Yup, that's definitely his fur. And he has paws. And a tail. He's a goddamn cat._

Sam and Castiel aren't gone. _They're_ cats too. 

Okay, so Dean remembers last night was awful, but he doesn't remember doing any drugs. He feels a terrifying panic begin to boil up inside him, about to burst at any moment. His current paralyzed body is about to turn violently spastic, something he literally cannot control.

_Here it goes._

His tiny body jerks up, a crazed meow escaping his fuzzy lips, leaping from the bed and running as fast as lightning around the room. Startled by Dean's abrupt movement, Sam and Castiel respond with equal insanity, both hissing and screeching as they bounce atop the furniture. 

After about thirty seconds of frantic commotion, each of them finds a suitable spot to hide and come down from their frenzy. Dean chose under his bed, Sam is under the other, and Castiel is squeezed beneath the table holding the television.

_Silence._

"Sam?" Dean says, testing his voice and feeling grateful that he still has the ability to speak English.

"Dean?" came Sam's scared voice from out of sight.

"Are we-?" Dean can't say it out loud. Too ridiculous.

"We currently seem to be inhabiting feline vessels," Castiel says, slowly creeping out of his safe haven.

"DEAN, WHAT THE FUCK!" Sam yelled, not moving from his spot.

"I DON'T KNOW, SAM," Dean yells back.

"WHY ARE WE CATS?" Sam screams, and let's out an angry growl.

"I SAID I DON'T FUCKING KNOW," Dean replies, hissing involuntarily.

"Please, stop! Both of you come out from under there and let me see you. I am still an Angel of the Lord and may be able to help. Kitten vessel or not," Castiel demands.

At this point in his life Dean shouldn't be that surprised to one morning suddenly wake up as a cat. But nothing prepares you for this, even after everything they've been through. This is too far over the top. However, Dean takes comfort in Castiel's words, desperately wanting to believe he can fix this. Prowling to the edge of the bed, he peeps his head out from under the sheet, eyes magnetically landing on Castiel.

Dean immediately feels a little better, Castiel's perfect blue eyes are exactly the same, bringing a sense of stability to Dean's fucked up state of mind. Without giving it a second thought, he slides all the way out from the under bed and pitter-patters over to him. Instinct overcomes him as he nuzzles the fur of Castiel's neck and licks his face sweetly. Castiel reciprocates Dean's affection with tiny licks of his own, his rough sandpaper tongue feeling euphoric against his fur- 

_WHAT THE FUCK._

Dean abruptly stops himself and sits back on his hind legs, watching Castiel and waiting for him to do something.

"Are you okay?" Castiel finally says.

"Other than being a friggin' cat, yeah I'm peachy. You?" Dean replies sarcastically. 

"I am uninjured," Castiel says, sitting and curling his long dark tail around the front of his paws.

"Sam, c'mere!" Dean orders, struggling to resist the urge to pounce on Castiel and clean every inch of him with his goddamn tongue. This is so not okay.

"No!" Sam pouts.

"Don't you make me come under there. Because I swear, I will claw your fuzzy ass right out and it ain't gonna be pretty," Dean says seriously. 

After a moment of no response, Dean loses it at the absurdity of the threat. Laughing so hard he flops down, rubbing himself all over the carpet and wiggling as he cracks up. Before he knows it Sam is on top of him, wrestling and pawing at him violently.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY! How the fuck are you laughing?" Sam says, continuing his attack.

"Easy...Tiger...Get it!?" Dean gasps, thoroughly entertained by his terrible pun.

"You've lost it," Sam breathes incredulously, jumping off his brother and sitting next to Castiel.

"Ahhhh, I'm sorry. It's just that this is so fucked up, what else can we do except laugh?" Dean says weakly, coming down from his high.

"Hmm here's a thought. Maybe try to figure out a way to fix this?" Sam spits back at him.

"Alright, mittens, start spitballin' some ideas then!" Dean says, holding back more inappropriate laughter.

"Cas, can you reverse this?" Sam's annoyed voice asks, subconsciously leaning down to clean his paw.

"While you two were busy fighting, I was attempting to use my powers to find a solution. I'm afraid to say it, but my grace is somehow being suppressed in this state. I apologize for not being a bigger help," Castiel explains sadly.

"Cas, this isn't your fault. You tried. That's all that matters," Dean reassures, pressing closer to him.

"Yeah, we'll find another way," Sam confirms.

There's silence, followed by more silence, that results in even more fucking silence.

"The trickster," Sam wonders aloud.

"You're right! This has his stench all over it," Dean agrees.

"But why would Gabriel do this?" Castiel asks, jumping up onto the bed and sprawling out.

"Why wouldn't he? He lives to fuck with people. Plus, he's probably still pissed about the holy oil and ruining his TV Land gig," Dean says, following Castiel like a shadow and curling up to him. Dean can't help it, he needs to be near his angel, no matter how pathetic he looks. It's a lot harder to be a tough guy manly man when he's a kitten, okay?

"How are we supposed to get out of here? We can't exactly unlock and open the door?" Sam grumbles, springing up onto the table and poking his head through the curtain to look outside.

"What if we just wait til the maid comes around and slip out then?" Dean suggests, playfully nudging Castiel onto his back and rolling on top of him. 

Dean is starting to realize how impossible it is to ignore his natural urges in cat form. Nobody would think twice of how much he and Castiel touched or snuggled, a fairly common activity for cats to engage in. This whole experience has a kind of mind numbingly serene aspect to it that Dean doesn't totally hate. Sure, he doesn't want to be a cat forever, but when in Rome...

_Right?_

"Ugh, you two are even grosser this way," Sam says, looking back at them.

"Can't help it. He's so fluffy!" Dean says happily, licking him all over and causing Castiel to purr loudly. "You don't mind, right Cas?" He adds lowly.

"Deeeeaann! We must focus...oh...stop please- okay wait don't stop!" Castiel whines, giving into the attention.

"I'M SO BEYOND DONE!" Sam bellows, turning back to the window.

Sam begins meowing loudly, actually more like screeching painfully, as he paws at the glass and tries to gain an outsider's attention. He is relentless, determined to cause such a ruckus that someone would have to stop and help. He finally catches one. 

"Guys, come here! Maybe she'll get the manager and let us out!" Sam says hurriedly.

Dean and Castiel break away from their snuggle fuck and join him on the window sill, meowing and acting as adorable as possible. There's a young girl, about mid twenties, staring back at them through the glass, smiling and coming closer. She starts squealing and shouting nonsense baby talk. 

"BABIES!" She squeals out a real word. "Why would someone leave you locked up in there by yourselves? Are you hungry? Is that why you're crying? POOR BABIES!" 

And she runs off toward the main office.

"Good job, Sammy. Always knew you had a knack for attracting the crazy ones," Dean teases him.

"Shut up, she's our ticket out of here," Sam says quietly, craning his neck to watch her fully disappear.

"Thank you, Sam. Now once we're free, we must attempt to contact Gabriel," Castiel says calmly, watching the girl as well.

Dean squeezes his pliant jelly body in between the two of them, waiting patiently for their rescue.

~

Dean barely remembers how it happened, one moment he is patiently waiting at the window to be rescued, eyes full of hope and excitement, and the next he finds himself more of a prisoner than when he started out. The girl was like a ninja, capturing the three of them with ease and determination. 

Currently, Sam, Dean, and Castiel are locked away in three separate cat crates, all lined up in a neat little row on the backseat of her small yellow car. Dean has no idea why she was so prepared with these cat trapping contraptions, nor does he want to find out. She's blasting Guns N' Roses "Mr. Brownstone" and has the rear view mirror angled towards them so she can periodically peek on them. 

The trio doesn't talk, too afraid that she'll hear them speaking in English and ship them off to be studied by the government or some shit. Dean is staring intensely at Sam through one of the small holes in his carrier, wordlessly freaking out. Suddenly, the car sways violently to the left, tires screeching loudly and crates tilting dangerously.

"Fuck!" Dean yells. 

Internal panic is spreading like a disease inside him, eyes wide with regret. This is it, separation, experimental procedures, and most likely permanent death. Of course it would be Dean to be the one to fuck it all up. Now, Sam and Cas were as good as gone, he made sure to fail them one last time.

It's as if Sam can actually hear the tsunami of self hate swimming around in Dean's fuzzy skull, his brother's eyes looking at him with a fierce sense of understanding and forgiveness. 

"Oh, my God! You little meower!! It's okay babies, just some asshole on the road trying to cut us off. We'll be home soon," The girl says, voice filled with baby prattle.

She called him a "meower," does this mean she didn't hear him curse? Does she only hear meowing? He beams mischievously at Sam as a crazy thought pops into his head. There's only one way to find out and nothing left to lose.

_"We been dancin' with_  
Mr. Brownstone  
He's been knockin'  
He won't' leave me alone!" 

Dean sings clearly and with intent, needing to test his theory.

The girl's smiling eyes land on Dean through the glass, she giggles and says, "You are such a loud one back there! I guess you're the leader, huh? Makes my name for you all the more perfect!"

Not at all interested in her names for them, he turns to Sam and says "She can't understand us! This is incredible!" Dean laughs.

"Alright, yeah, this is good. We'll be able to communicate our escape plan easier if she can't eavesdrop on us," Sam thinks out loud.

"Most likely, we will be unable to escape very easily. She's already captured us once, her home may prove to be even more difficult," Castiel interjects.

"Don't worry, I've got a an idea," Dean announces, his face visibly relaxing.

"And what's that?" Sam asks.

"We're gonna be the _worst_ pets anyone could ever get stuck with. Gonna tear that place apart. I'm talkin' scratch up the goddamn furniture, shit on the rug, hiss whenever she comes near us. It's fool proof. She's gonna regret ever bringing us home!" Dean explains.

"I don't know, Dean. What if it backfires somehow?" Sam worries.

"You got any other suggestions?" Dean snaps back at him.

Sam just scowls and lays down out of his brother's line of sight.

"Unfortunately, Dean may be right. It seems to be the most logical course of action. However, I do feel guilty about being a bad pet, demolishing her home feels wrong. She seems like a good person deep down, perhaps she's just lonely," Castiel says softly.

"Cas, you cannot feel guilty about being a bad pet, because we are not pets! Trust me, we're not gonna hurt her or do any permanent damage," Dean reassures him.

"Of course I trust you, Dean," Castiel declares.

Dean is peering through the holes in both his and Sam's cages, trying to see his angel as best he can. Cas' face is pressed up as close to the grate as possible, blue eyes finding Dean's green ones and staying there. It was so typical of Cas to feel bad for their crazy cat nabber, the sweet side of him that cherishes humanity and the friggin' bees shining through. As ridiculous as the situation is, Dean only loves him more for it. 

"Are you guys literally doing this right now? Is this actually my life right now?" Sam whines, but stays laying down.

"Doing what?" Dean asks, eyes still glued to the adorable kitten version of Castiel.

"Eye fucking. AS CATS! I can sense it from down here!" Sam bellows.

"Heh, if it weren't for these prison cells a lot more than our eyes would be fu-"

"DEAN!" 

Dean laughs and it feels good. Things are gonna be okay and hopefully someday this would all just be a funny story. The remainder of the car ride is filled with the girl's awesome classic rock playlist, so at least there's that.

As Castiel predicted, they were unable to escape before getting locked up inside the girl's house, which she apparently shares with a cool looking dude. The house is small, yet very clean and organized. 

_Perfect for fucking up all their stuff!_

There had been a viscous fight between the two humans, the man not wanting to keep the three cats, but in the end the girl wore him down. She revealed that their names would be after her favorite Star Trek characters. Dean is Kirk, Castiel is Spock, and Sam is Bones.

 _Nerd._

Briefly, she had gone back out to the store to buy cat litter, food, toys, everything her new babies would need and then some. So between all the distractions and commotion of settling in, none of them realize how much time has passed by.

Somehow, the five of them are all tucked together on the couch watching some movie that the humans argued about watching for fifteen minutes. 

_How did this happen? Wasn't the plan to act destructive and horrible? Not cuddly and sweet?_

"Soooo, when do we start violating all their personal possessions?" Sam asks, kneading his paws into the blanket that's spread across the girl's lap.

"I mean now it's kinda late. Let's start first thing in the morning," Dean yawns, eyes drifting shut.

"I agree now is not the appropriate time. Plus, these blankets are very favorable," Castiel purrs, nuzzling closer to Dean.

Dean shouldn't feel this content. He knows in the back of his mind that he should be pissed and want to do everything possible to get out of here and summon Gabriel. He knows that there's absolutely no real reason why they shouldn't start destroying the house right now, other than the fact that he might be secretly liking this. He selfishly allows himself to feel safe with these strangers, enjoying the simplicity of this borrowed life and snuggling harder against warmth of his furry companions.

~

When Dean awoke it was to the sound of a loud grinding machine, plunging his hunting instincts into immediate action. He jumps up, leaving the safety of the couch, and prowls closer to the noise. Peeking his head around the wall, he finds the source.

_The coffee pot._

Right, for a couple moments there he forgot he's in the land of the cushy and oh-so normal. He can't quite pinpoint exactly how he's feeling right now. There's definitely a sense of relief that it's not some supernatural monster or bat shit psycho with a chainsaw. But there's also something else. Disappointment? Is he feeling let down that he didn't get to hunt and kill something? Not that he'd be very capable in his current state, but still, he could try.

"Morning, Captain!" The girl squeaks, bending down to pet Dean.

His natural response is to start leaning into her touch and rubbing himself all over her legs. Before he knows it, he's brushing his entire body against the kitchen cabinets as well. 

That's it! Cats rub themselves on everything, naturally knocking shit over all the time. That's how they'll start phase one of _Operation: Destroy the House._

Dean exits the kitchen excitedly, ready to fill the guys in on the plan. He finds that Castiel is still sleeping, while Sam is sitting on the window sill, looking outside sadly. Dean hops to Castiel's side and nudges him awake, licking his nose sweetly until those shiny blue orbs peek open. After he's satisfied that Cas is waking up, he leaps up to join his brother, posing dramatically and staring through the glass with him.

"Cheer up, Sammy, I've got a plan," Dean says, patting the top of his head playfully. Sam responds by giving him his best bitch face, somehow even bitchier in feline form.

"Look, why don't you use some of that _cattitude_ to start wreckin' the joint! I figure we can make a little game of it. See who can knock over the most stuff!" Dean challenges them. 

He springs into action by gracefully making his way to the top shelf of their collectibles, sticking out one paw and sassily knocking over a Pop! Figure.

"See, easy peasy," Dean says proudly.

Sam, despite himself, smiles weakly and moves to a shelf of his own. He whips a model spaceship with his sleek tail, causing it to go flying across the room, landing with a soft thud on the carpet. The three of them manage to knock over every single item on the shelves, permanently breaking only a handful of things. 

Sam and Cas double team the couch, clawing violently at the sides, purposely shredding the fabric off in clean stripes. Meanwhile, Dean decides to kick it up a notch by leaving a rather stinky surprise on the rug when nobody was looking.

Satisfied with their destruction, Dean waits eagerly for the humans to see the disaster that has become their living room, never before in his life has he been so excited to get in trouble.

The girl appears from the kitchen, coffee mug in hand, and gasps at the sight before her.

"Oh, my! What have you rascals done? Are you guys acting out because you're scared? I'm sorry babies! I know it's a big adjustment period but you'll get used to your new home. Now, let's get this mess cleaned up. But first, Mama needs another pot of coffee!" She says vibrantly. As she marches back toward the kitchen, they notice her down the current cup in one crazed gulp.

"Okay, didn't see _that_ coming," Dean groans.

"Dean! What now? This girl is INSANE!" Sam complains, pacing around the room nervously.

"This is definitely unexpected. It is my experience that most humans do not like their possessions damaged. She seems to be genuinely determined to keeps us as her pets," Cas brainstorms.

"So we keep trying! Every single day. Nobody can keep that up. Don't worry, we'll break her eventually," Dean says, reassuring himself more than anyone.

~

For the next few weeks the boys relentlessly ruin everything they can get their paws on. Only to be rewarded with more affection and yummy treats. It's absolutely infuriating! Her patience is never ending, which is kind of impressive if it were any other situation. So, eventually they must find other ways to pass the time.

At the moment, Dean is waiting near the bathroom sink for the man to turn the faucet on. For some reason, drinking from here is way more awesome then lapping it up from the bowl.

_Weird._

Once he's had his fill of dirty tap water, he leaps down and searches for Castiel. Dean's craving a second nap and wants the angel to join him.

As Dean lazily strolls across the house, he notices Sam on the prowl. He's hunting that damn mouse again. No matter how many times Dean tells him he's imagining it, Sam won't believe him. Honestly, Dean can't blame his brother for wanting to hunt something, because annoyingly, he's got the same nagging thought recurring in the back of his mind. But Dean Winchester, the master of suppression, carries on.

Recently, Castiel has become utterly fascinated with bags and boxes. Anytime one of the humans leaves one around, you can guarantee that Castiel is hiding inside it. Dean finds this new behavior a little odd but can't help agree with Castiel when he explains how it makes him feel warmer and more secure. When Dean finally finds him, it's in a large reusable shopping bag beneath the dining room table. Squeezing himself next to Castiel's body heat, he drifts off to sleep, purring loudly.

Later that evening, Dean is sitting in front of his food dish, staring down miserably at his current predicament. 

"I'm hungry," Dean whines.

"So eat, there's plenty of food in there," Castiel points out.

"But it's all on the edges. I like when it's in the middle. You think she'll shake up the bowl for me when they get back?" Dean wonders.

"Are you kidding me?" Sam scoffs, striding over and flipping Dean's bowl on its side, spilling the contents all over the floor.

"That's what your main concern is? How about try getting upset because it's _cat_ food and WE'RE STILL CATS!" Sam yells.

Dean knows his brother's frustration has been building dangerously for a while, waiting uneasily for the big blow out.

"Sam-"

"No, Dean! Don't tell me to calm down or that you're trying! Because the ugly truth is that you're actually not too concerned about this whole thing! Sure, maybe at first, but now, you're just enjoying the ride!" He continues while hissing angrily. 

Sam looks truly pissed. Ears twisted all the way back, tail swaying menacingly, and sharp claws at the ready. Dean absolutely hates seeing him like this, he wants, no _needs,_ to do something to soothe him. So, Dean replies with words that might not be entirely true.

"I want things to go back to normal just as much as you do, Sammy. Trust me, we're doing our best-"

"Dean, please, we lie to each other professionally. Call it animal instinct or whatever, but now it's just more obvious," Sam spits.

That hurts.

_We lie to each other professionally._

The words won't stop echoing in Dean's head, blaring loudly throughout the now painful silence in the room.

"Look, I'm sorry it's just that...you guys have each other," Sam says sadly, motioning towards Cas. "What am I supposed to do? Hook up with some stray? Not that I could even if I wanted to, because we're never gonna breathe fresh air again."

There it is. He finally exposed ugliest truth of all. Sam is lonely and Dean feels like a total dick. His brother is completely right and the words cut through him like ice. If Dean didn't have Cas, would he be more eager to find a solution? Probably. 

_SNAP!_

"You mean a stray like little ol' me?" Says a familiar voice from behind them.

Castiel immediately throws himself in front of the two brothers, shielding them protectively from the new feline intruder.

"Gabriel," Cas growls.

_Okay, Gabriel's a cat too. Great._

"C'mon, Sammy, I dare you to domesticate me!" Gabe says with obnoxious confidence. He slinks his skinny body against the side of the demolished couch, slowly approaching the three of them.

"You've had your fun, now end this," Castiel commands.

"Or what, pussy cat? What are you possibly gonna do to me? Smite me with snuggles?" The archangel taunts him.

"Listen, douchebag, if this is some sort of weird revenge, you've got it . Now put us back," Dean pipes up, hovering closely over Castiel's shoulder.

"Revenge? Oh, Deano, you of all people should know this has nothing to do with revenge."

"What do you mean, 'me of all people'?" Dean asks skeptically.

"Just doing my heavenly duty by answering the pathetic prayers of wayward sons."

"Cut the shit. I didn't pray for this!" Dean shouts back at him.

"Oh, but you did! 'I wish things were simple. Why can't we just have happy, safe, carefree lives?' You're words not mine, bucko!" Gabe mocks him, smiling wickedly.

_Fuck._

"Dean?" Sam whispers brokenly.

"So, you invade the privacy of my thoughts, twist my words into some sick nightmare, and claim it to be the work of an angel? No, that sounds more like the Trickster to me. So don't for one goddamn minute kid yourself that you did this out of the angelic goodness of your heart. Because you're just a monster, nothing more," Dean says harshly.

"Ugh, you wound me!" Gabe sighs dramatically.

"We can talk more later, but first will you please change us back?" Sam asks him with pleading eyes.

Gabriel stares at Sam with an intense expression and for just a split second Dean swears that he can see the archangel's composure slip a little. 

"Fine, ya bunch of Debbie Downers! This is no fun anymore anyway. I'll return you back to the doom and gloom of the apocalypse...on one condition."

"What now?" Dean asks, voice clearly annoyed.

"Sam goes on a date with me."

Sam interrupts the sound of Dean's manic laughter, with a strained "Yes."

_Did his little brother just agree to this?_

There was no negotiating, no fighting it, just 'yes'? Did he actually want to go on a date with this psycho? Dean can't wait to be human again just so he can have a drink, because this is whole fiasco is the world's best excuse to get plastered. 

"Alright, it's settled!" Gabe says giddily, winking at Sam. 

He raises his paw to snap his tiny toes when Castiel shouts "Wait!"

"Cas, whatever it is, it couldn't wait one friggin' millisecond?" Dean laughs, trying to remain calm.

"These humans...they will miss us. They have been patient and loving and deserve more than thinking someone robbed them of their pets," Castiel says with genuine concern.

_How can this incredibly sweet, kindhearted soul be the same one as the creature that once used a voice more dangerous than poison to threaten to throw Dean back into Hell?_

"What are you suggesting? We stay here so we don't hurt the human's feelings?" Sam snorts.

"No, there is another way. Gabriel can replace us with three similar looking strays that would love a home such as this. If done properly, they may never even realize the difference."

"That's actually awesome," Dean beams at his angel proudly.

"Alright, but it's gonna cost ya!" Gabe smirks, glancing at Sam. "Two dates."

"Gabriel, if you promise to put us back within the next three seconds and never fuck with us again, I'll do a lot more than two dates. Three...two...one-"

_SNAP!_

~

Dean's body slowly begins to stir awake and is greeted with an incredibly welcoming feeling. He's human again, every single one of his senses are tingling with normalcy. When Dean's eyes finally peel open, he takes in the refreshing imagery before him. Beautiful, naked Castiel is snuggled up to his side, the forest of dark messy hair resting over the tattoo on Dean's chest. Thin stripes of sunlight are creeping in through the motel curtains, accompanied by the faintest chirping of the mornings first birds.

Dean runs his hands greedily all over the body of the man he's missed so much; the dip of his spine, thickness of his arms, the curve of his ass. Castiel reacts to Dean's touch like it's an electric current, practically vibrating from pleasure already.

"Dean," Cas moans, seeking out the hunter's mouth, kissing him lazily.

"Cas," he replies, wrapping a hand around the growing erection that's pressing firmly into his thigh. He begins to pump slowly, wanting to take his time bringing the angel to the edge-

"Still here guys!" Sam announces, from the other side of the room.

The sound of Sam's voice startles Dean back to reality. He feels Cas tense up as well, so he quickly lifts the covers up higher to cover their bodies. Once he's untangled himself from Cas' limbs, he turns toward the other bed, relieved to see that Sammy is human again too.

"Uh, sorry, didn't know-"

"Dude, stop, it's okay. Just so glad to be back!" Sam smiles, throwing on a pair of jeans.

"Same," Dean agrees, glancing back at Cas with a goofy smile.

"Gabriel seems to have returned our bodies back to the way they were. However, this is not the hotel we stayed at all those weeks ago," Castiel notices, eyes scanning the room for clues.

"Don't worry, we'll figure it out," Dean says easily. He pauses, looking between his brother and his angel before continuing. "All of it. We're gonna beat the devil and save the world. Team Free Will, right?"

Sam's smile grows into a huge grin, causing Dean to blush slightly. His cheeks continue to redden when he feels Cas' warm hand grasp his own, squeezing it tightly for reassurance. Needing this beyond sappy moment to be over, he changes the subject to something more lighthearted.

"Don't you have a date?" Dean teases, trying to mask his curiosity by laughing.

Sam averts his brother's eyes and starts laughing along, a slightly dreamy expression forming on his face that he desperately tries to hide.

_SNAP!_

"Yes, he does!" Gabriel appears only long enough to whisk the younger Winchester away with him.

After another loud snap of the archangel's fingers, the two of them disappear, leaving Dean feeling uneasy.

"Cas, please tell me Sammy's safe with him."

"Sam is safe with him."

"You lying to make me feel better?"

"That is the human custom, is it not?"

Dean can't help the laugh that slips out as he studies the angel's innocent face. He places one last delicate kiss on Cas' chapped lips before saying "C'mon, we've got a date to cockblock."

**Author's Note:**

> "But, honestly, the whole author inserting himself into the narrative thing? It's just not my favorite. I kind of hate the meta stories." -Marie (S10E05)
> 
> Yup, the girl in the story is loosely based off a satirical version of myself and my crazy love for cats. I went there! Lmao XD


End file.
